A Good Marriage isn't Accidental

So recently I've been having fun trying to purposely add more spice and heat into our marriage instead of, you know, just waiting for the pot to magically descend on our heads in a cloud of steamy mist to graciously pour out hotness. I say good call on my part, as magic pots can be kinda unpredictable. Which brings me to the point - creating our own magic, and below I'll share a tiny bit of my most successful ploys

1. At a girlfriends hangout the ladies mentioned a book that they had read where the author said that to spice up her marriage she wrapped her naked body almost completely in plastic wrap and waited at the door for the hubby to come home. Ughh, I did not do this lol. Can you imagine? Oh man... Instead I try really hard, even on bad days with the boys, to put makeup on and have reasonable hair and to wear appealing, even though causal, clothes.

2. Games - for example the hubby and I just started this pic a day game that gives us insight into each other's world's which really helps me understand what he is feeling when he is working away from home weeks at a time but this even works when I get to see him at the end of the day.

We both enjoy this and it makes sense when compared to the scientific studies that have been discussed in John Gottman's 'Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work'. They found that couples that knew what each had to deal with, what pressures the other was facing or what dreams and visions the other had, had a better chance at surviving fights. Ah so brilliant excuse for some pic play.

See one template for a photo a day game below for February. You can make your own for the other months, this just gives you ideas.

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On each day we would interpret the word for that day in our own special way and take a picture that represented that idea or word to us. We got some funny interpretations and some very straightforward but all in all I felt like it make me feel as if he was with me throughout the day.

3. Resolutions - I'm not big on New Years resolutions but I'm big on resolutions period so here's a few that have given me some good ideas, maybe you can find some in there for you as well.

 

4. Get High School - do the impetuous.
My husband would be at work and see a newspaper and just cut up words into a collage for me ( see image of one below). Sometimes being so grown up gets in the way of fun so we do give into our crazed inner teenage selves every once in awhile. Go for it!!

Kinda hilarious that he found the word ass in the newspaper

I also recently happened to watch a few shows that reminded me of young love and why I married my husband, the qualities that made him stand out. Meditating on those qualities that jumped out at me when we were young, childless and carefree has really done wonders for my ability to accept my husband in his entirety.

Well those things are a few of what's been fun for me and the hubby that I dare to post and I'm sure there's a whole lot more we can cook up ;).
Our lives are hectic but we dont want life to live us, we want to be present and continue to build our relationship because when the children are gone, married or off saving the world I dont want to be left with a man I neither know nor respect, talking about our kids and long forgotten past. Instead I want the best days YET. May we all have that after the cake is gone.

I am Vicks Worthy

There is something comforting about the smell of Vicks. Maybe it's the memories of being handled with care, of being gently nurtured, of feeling nothing but the need to just 'be'. The warm touch of my mother rubbing Vicks on my back. The child I was, completely sure everything would be fine once mommy was there. No sense of responsibilities to others, but the ability to accept care , the ability to be fragile, without self inspection, any sense of failure or feelings of being unworthy of attention.

You know, I don't tell my children that they need to be worthy of assistance or that needing it makes them less than. So why do I feel such turmoil at the thought of needing help. As if there was an age at which we outgrow being worthy of kindness. As if we have to now earn it somehow. Sometimes I act like asking for help means somehow I have failed.

I hope and pray that every week offers opportunities for me to accept kindness, that I and anyone like me will find the strength to be okay with being vulnerable. Moms like me need help to accept that it's okay to have our needs met too. My hope is that those childlike qualities in us that allow us to not equate need with personal lack in other people, will allow us to be gracious with ourselves.